Bad Sentence Ballots

Last week's contest was the closest ever with “But the person I feel most sorry for in this situation are her kids." edging out “The rest of the acts involved a heavy dose of masturbation and poop jokes, which aren’t quite my style, but getting on stage at all is so extremely difficult, it’s not right to hate.”

This week looks equally daunting:

1.) "The new lunch and dinner menu is an ambitious mix of dishes that were popular at Sage, Meek's popular, but now closed Windsor Heights restaurant." (Popular at the popular, but closed, place?)

2.) "Flatbreads topped with beyond-the-usual ingredients (I enjoyed a vegetable falafel) offered a chance to enjoy the ultra-fresh breads that inspired the restaurant's name - proof refers to a bread-baking step." (A step that is absent from flatbreads though, making this an example of the a writer trying to show how smart she is but instead revealing something else about her smarts.)

3.) "Short explanations help explain some of the more exotic-sounding (EvilJungle Prince, Chicken laab), but you'll also find pad Thai, pho noodlesoup, and your basic Chinese takeout dishes, too." (This beats out the “beefy tasting beef” because explanations explain why, it's not right to hate.)

4.) "Like many Asian places, Fawn's offers a veritable Eastern Pangaea of cuisine, from Chinese to Laotian, Thai and Vietnamese dishes." (So, the food is prehistoric? Does the writer know what Pangaea means? )

5.) "Never one to let adulthood come between himself and a big red rubber ball, Fej Williams, now 29, started Warriors on the Square, the adult four square league that reclaims the parking lot at Hubbell Elementary School for cherry bombs." (Exploding cherry bombs cause writers to lose their sense of phrasing?)

6.) "I love walking and think I can experience it even more if I go by foot." (Yogi could not have said it better.)

7.) "My order had a lot of thin onion discs, sort of like potato chips, but way more oniony." (oniony onions, wow, one works for these adjectives)

8.) “With bold leather booths, hushed lighting and white tablecloths and candles, this is definitely a high-class dinner spot.” (Hush the lighting, embolden the leather, this is a high class spot.)

9.) "The Scion xD has an inexpensive price tag with plenty of features."
(Oh, yeah? Does the sticker have a socket where I can plug in my iPod? Hell,I don't care how much the price tag costs; how much is the car?)