Bad Sentence Ballots

Last week's winner was : "Some take a while, even with three people, but there's also a lot of ice."

This week's entries:

1.) “Tables, seemingly acres apart, and especially well-designed acoustics make every table feel private.” ("Tables, needing other tables, are the luckiest tables in the world.")

2.) “According to a couple dudes I know who I felt comfortable asking these questions to, one said if you lose weight your penis gets bigger.”

3.) “The interior is tasteful, cozy and clean, with small clusters of minimal artwork on the red walls, a golden Asian gate and cushioned retro chairs.” (Is it possible that the adjectives have something to do with that which they describe?)

4.) “But the person I feel most sorry for in this situation are her kids.

5.) “Nearly every table and booth was already full at 6 p.m. on the Thursday I visited, and getting more crowded as the night went on.” (Wait, was nearly every table and booth getting more crowded, like clowns in a phonebooth or volkswagon, or did he mean the place was getting more crowded?)

6.) “The rest of the acts involved a heavy dose of masturbation and poop jokes, which aren’t quite my style, but getting on stage at all is so extremely difficult, it’s not right to hate.” (This leaves us with poor powers to add or detract.)

7.) “We started out with the Mosquito Bites appetizer, which is basically a fancied crab Rangoon with lobster, served with sweet chili sauce that merited multiple double dippings." (Fancied crab Rangoon with lobster, and sweet chili sauce meritingmultiple double dips. First of all, is a multiple double dip differentfrom a lesser multiple of triple dips. Is this the commutative property?)