Last week's contest was a walkover, with number six destroying the competition.
6.) "I love walking and think I can experience it even more if I go by foot." (Yogi could not have said it better.)
This week, we've been asked to hold an all star contest from the days before we began posting the bad sentence contests. Here are the winners of the first several trials and errors with language.
1.) "Motherhood doesn't always make the headlines as a sexy subject - unless the story is about Salma Hayek breast feeding a stranger's baby, but in a metro like Des Moines , where roughly 30,000 women aged 25-34 are mothers, it seems like all types of moms - natural living moms, hip mamas (like Steve Bosman, 26, pictured here with her son Hayden, 6), stay-at-home moms, working moms, progressive and tradtitional moms - are talking about what it takes to raise children.
2.) "This is the place to sneak an ice cold beer over the lunch hour and indulge in ridiculously comfortable food, the kind of stuff that - if you grew up in a household where a brick of Velveeta could always be found in the fridge - will take you back to a time when calories weren't counted."
3) "I'm not normally a regular at places, so it felt kind of awkward to see someone who was being kind of obnoxious 24 hours before in a slightly more sober state a few stools away."
4.) “Intensive care wasn't the first intense time the couple faced together.”
5.) "The dining room spans several rooms."
6.) “It was July of 2003 and six months into the relationship when Susanna Funk, now 29, underwent brain surgery for a blockage discovered while participating in a study at the University of Iowa, where she was a nursing student.”
7.) "The concept swings more hits than strikes."
8.) “Situated on a corner in the hilly and historic Sherman Hill Neighborhood, Café di Scala is located on the main floor of beautiful Victorian home, making it one of the classiest restaurants in town.”
9.) "Volunteering on the board of a local nonprofit is a great extracurricular to accompany your career."
10.) “I'm going to admit that at the first bite, the metaphor that came to mind was that it tasted like I imagine having sex as a man feels.”
(editor's note: When this review was republished in a second DM Register publication a few weeks later, this sentence had been edited to - "the lamb exploded in my mouth." )
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Bad Sentence Ballots
Last week's contest was the closest ever with “But the person I feel most sorry for in this situation are her kids." edging out “The rest of the acts involved a heavy dose of masturbation and poop jokes, which aren’t quite my style, but getting on stage at all is so extremely difficult, it’s not right to hate.”
This week looks equally daunting:
1.) "The new lunch and dinner menu is an ambitious mix of dishes that were popular at Sage, Meek's popular, but now closed Windsor Heights restaurant." (Popular at the popular, but closed, place?)
2.) "Flatbreads topped with beyond-the-usual ingredients (I enjoyed a vegetable falafel) offered a chance to enjoy the ultra-fresh breads that inspired the restaurant's name - proof refers to a bread-baking step." (A step that is absent from flatbreads though, making this an example of the a writer trying to show how smart she is but instead revealing something else about her smarts.)
3.) "Short explanations help explain some of the more exotic-sounding (EvilJungle Prince, Chicken laab), but you'll also find pad Thai, pho noodlesoup, and your basic Chinese takeout dishes, too." (This beats out the “beefy tasting beef” because explanations explain why, it's not right to hate.)
4.) "Like many Asian places, Fawn's offers a veritable Eastern Pangaea of cuisine, from Chinese to Laotian, Thai and Vietnamese dishes." (So, the food is prehistoric? Does the writer know what Pangaea means? )
5.) "Never one to let adulthood come between himself and a big red rubber ball, Fej Williams, now 29, started Warriors on the Square, the adult four square league that reclaims the parking lot at Hubbell Elementary School for cherry bombs." (Exploding cherry bombs cause writers to lose their sense of phrasing?)
6.) "I love walking and think I can experience it even more if I go by foot." (Yogi could not have said it better.)
7.) "My order had a lot of thin onion discs, sort of like potato chips, but way more oniony." (oniony onions, wow, one works for these adjectives)
8.) “With bold leather booths, hushed lighting and white tablecloths and candles, this is definitely a high-class dinner spot.” (Hush the lighting, embolden the leather, this is a high class spot.)
9.) "The Scion xD has an inexpensive price tag with plenty of features."
(Oh, yeah? Does the sticker have a socket where I can plug in my iPod? Hell,I don't care how much the price tag costs; how much is the car?)
This week looks equally daunting:
1.) "The new lunch and dinner menu is an ambitious mix of dishes that were popular at Sage, Meek's popular, but now closed Windsor Heights restaurant." (Popular at the popular, but closed, place?)
2.) "Flatbreads topped with beyond-the-usual ingredients (I enjoyed a vegetable falafel) offered a chance to enjoy the ultra-fresh breads that inspired the restaurant's name - proof refers to a bread-baking step." (A step that is absent from flatbreads though, making this an example of the a writer trying to show how smart she is but instead revealing something else about her smarts.)
3.) "Short explanations help explain some of the more exotic-sounding (EvilJungle Prince, Chicken laab), but you'll also find pad Thai, pho noodlesoup, and your basic Chinese takeout dishes, too." (This beats out the “beefy tasting beef” because explanations explain why, it's not right to hate.)
4.) "Like many Asian places, Fawn's offers a veritable Eastern Pangaea of cuisine, from Chinese to Laotian, Thai and Vietnamese dishes." (So, the food is prehistoric? Does the writer know what Pangaea means? )
5.) "Never one to let adulthood come between himself and a big red rubber ball, Fej Williams, now 29, started Warriors on the Square, the adult four square league that reclaims the parking lot at Hubbell Elementary School for cherry bombs." (Exploding cherry bombs cause writers to lose their sense of phrasing?)
6.) "I love walking and think I can experience it even more if I go by foot." (Yogi could not have said it better.)
7.) "My order had a lot of thin onion discs, sort of like potato chips, but way more oniony." (oniony onions, wow, one works for these adjectives)
8.) “With bold leather booths, hushed lighting and white tablecloths and candles, this is definitely a high-class dinner spot.” (Hush the lighting, embolden the leather, this is a high class spot.)
9.) "The Scion xD has an inexpensive price tag with plenty of features."
(Oh, yeah? Does the sticker have a socket where I can plug in my iPod? Hell,I don't care how much the price tag costs; how much is the car?)
Bad Sentence Ballots
Last week's winner was : "Some take a while, even with three people, but there's also a lot of ice."
This week's entries:
1.) “Tables, seemingly acres apart, and especially well-designed acoustics make every table feel private.” ("Tables, needing other tables, are the luckiest tables in the world.")
2.) “According to a couple dudes I know who I felt comfortable asking these questions to, one said if you lose weight your penis gets bigger.”
3.) “The interior is tasteful, cozy and clean, with small clusters of minimal artwork on the red walls, a golden Asian gate and cushioned retro chairs.” (Is it possible that the adjectives have something to do with that which they describe?)
4.) “But the person I feel most sorry for in this situation are her kids.
5.) “Nearly every table and booth was already full at 6 p.m. on the Thursday I visited, and getting more crowded as the night went on.” (Wait, was nearly every table and booth getting more crowded, like clowns in a phonebooth or volkswagon, or did he mean the place was getting more crowded?)
6.) “The rest of the acts involved a heavy dose of masturbation and poop jokes, which aren’t quite my style, but getting on stage at all is so extremely difficult, it’s not right to hate.” (This leaves us with poor powers to add or detract.)
7.) “We started out with the Mosquito Bites appetizer, which is basically a fancied crab Rangoon with lobster, served with sweet chili sauce that merited multiple double dippings." (Fancied crab Rangoon with lobster, and sweet chili sauce meritingmultiple double dips. First of all, is a multiple double dip differentfrom a lesser multiple of triple dips. Is this the commutative property?)
This week's entries:
1.) “Tables, seemingly acres apart, and especially well-designed acoustics make every table feel private.” ("Tables, needing other tables, are the luckiest tables in the world.")
2.) “According to a couple dudes I know who I felt comfortable asking these questions to, one said if you lose weight your penis gets bigger.”
3.) “The interior is tasteful, cozy and clean, with small clusters of minimal artwork on the red walls, a golden Asian gate and cushioned retro chairs.” (Is it possible that the adjectives have something to do with that which they describe?)
4.) “But the person I feel most sorry for in this situation are her kids.
5.) “Nearly every table and booth was already full at 6 p.m. on the Thursday I visited, and getting more crowded as the night went on.” (Wait, was nearly every table and booth getting more crowded, like clowns in a phonebooth or volkswagon, or did he mean the place was getting more crowded?)
6.) “The rest of the acts involved a heavy dose of masturbation and poop jokes, which aren’t quite my style, but getting on stage at all is so extremely difficult, it’s not right to hate.” (This leaves us with poor powers to add or detract.)
7.) “We started out with the Mosquito Bites appetizer, which is basically a fancied crab Rangoon with lobster, served with sweet chili sauce that merited multiple double dippings." (Fancied crab Rangoon with lobster, and sweet chili sauce meritingmultiple double dips. First of all, is a multiple double dip differentfrom a lesser multiple of triple dips. Is this the commutative property?)
Bad Sentence Ballot
Last week's winner -“Jason Kemper - who still hasn’t had fast food since the beginning of the challenge, and says he’s been alternating between alcohol and water when he goes out) was the the only guy in the room -- As Shakira blasted from the speakers, his hips didn’t lie with the rest of them.
This week's entries: 1.) “The most eye-catching aspect of the place is the giant black chalkboard that lines almost an entire wall.”
2.) “The staff has written quotes, creative sayings, and funny stories to keep diners entertained while waiting for your pizza.” (Why are those diners waiting for my pizza? Don’t tease me and leave me curious.)
3.) "Some take a while, even with three people, but there's also a lot of ice." (I went to the bathroom, blue is nice, what kind of pizza is your car?)
4.) “The bar area has a nice padded green armrest and knee area, making it comfortable enough to stick around all night.” (This is the same writer who while eating lamb “thinks” of “metaphors” “like what having sex as a man must be like.” So, I guess maybe she doesn’t need to explain comfy padded knee areas, but I still don’t have a clue.)
5.) “The only thing that left me non-plussed was a braised pork dish." (the hyphen really confuses me. Pork can leave one nonplussed, but non-plussed? I realize it‘s trendy to use lots of commas, but there are consequences.) )
6.) “The no-fuss breakfast and lunch spot makes for a popular quick bite for surrounding businesses, serving up homemade soups and an array of delicious sandwiches and sides.”
This week's entries: 1.) “The most eye-catching aspect of the place is the giant black chalkboard that lines almost an entire wall.”
2.) “The staff has written quotes, creative sayings, and funny stories to keep diners entertained while waiting for your pizza.” (Why are those diners waiting for my pizza? Don’t tease me and leave me curious.)
3.) "Some take a while, even with three people, but there's also a lot of ice." (I went to the bathroom, blue is nice, what kind of pizza is your car?)
4.) “The bar area has a nice padded green armrest and knee area, making it comfortable enough to stick around all night.” (This is the same writer who while eating lamb “thinks” of “metaphors” “like what having sex as a man must be like.” So, I guess maybe she doesn’t need to explain comfy padded knee areas, but I still don’t have a clue.)
5.) “The only thing that left me non-plussed was a braised pork dish." (the hyphen really confuses me. Pork can leave one nonplussed, but non-plussed? I realize it‘s trendy to use lots of commas, but there are consequences.) )
6.) “The no-fuss breakfast and lunch spot makes for a popular quick bite for surrounding businesses, serving up homemade soups and an array of delicious sandwiches and sides.”
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